Posted tagged ‘Painting’

“Oooh somebody responded to my presentation review! I wonder who it wa-OH CRAP SHE READ IT!!!”

February 25, 2008

I’ve always had this weird scenario running though my head; What if I lived in a country run by a malicious dictator?  And then what if I wrote or said something bad about the dictator and later found out that he read or heard what I said?  What would my reaction be?

I think it would be, “HUUAHGGHUPTTHT!”

At least that’s what I did when I discovered what Kathy Moore, an artist who gave a presentation at my college, read a review I wrote poking fun at her presentation.  I was sitting in the science building’s study hall eating breakfast and checking this blog using my laptop when…  “Oh somebody commented on my last post!  Wow she wrote a lot, who is she?  …Kathy MoorHUUAHGGHUPTTHT!”  That last part was me inhaling my milk.  In cartoons if something surprising happens when the character is taking a drink, they violently spit it out, but apparently in real life you just inhale whatever you are drinking and almost die.

Here is my response to Kathy:

Your paintings were all really well made and I liked pretty much all of them (except for a few of your self-portraits –  some had super-intense eyes that seemed to stare into my soul, but maybe that’s what you were going for).  Your perspective paintings with the planks and boards running everywhere were very cool, especially how you could see both the ceiling and the floor in the painting.

However, I was attempting to write a humorous article so I played off the fact that at least 50% of your paintings or drawings had some kind of 2×4 plank of wood running through it somewhere.  The paintings were awesome, but saying something like, “Kathy used long wooden boards in most of her paintings to help make her extremely accurate use of depth and perception more prominent” is not funny.  Saying something like, “I really liked Kathy’s paintings of wooden planks, especially the first 229 of them,” or, “If the 2×4 industry ever goes into recession, Kathy Moore could single-handedly bring it out of decline just by re-purchasing all of her still-life materials,” is funnier.

As for Abstract paintings…   I used to like them.  Most abstract paintings look cool or interesting, but then I realized that the artists were selling them for more money than the last 5 generations of my extended family have made in their entire lifetimes combined.  A few years back Dateline, 60 minutes, 20/20 or some other news show ran a program where they had 4-6 year old kids take a paintbrush and flick paint at a canvas.  They then took the “paintings” to professional art appraisers but didn’t tell them that they were made by kids throwing paint around.  The art appraisers thought the paintings were amazing and priced them at several million dollars each.

So because of this I have an innate dislike towards abstract paintings.  I mean if I knew I could paint two slightly-tilted rectangles of different colors and then sell it for billions, I would have done that years ago!  In fact, I think I did paint that years ago!  In kindergarten.  But I made the mistake of sticking it on my fridge instead of taking it to an art museum.

So there was nothing wrong with your abstract art and you have every right to show it off as an example of variety if you want to, but in the back of my head I was thinking, “So did she have a design plan behind that painting or did she just flick paint at the canvas like those kids did?”  But that’s just me.

So sorry if I hurt your feelings Kathy.  I was just required to write a review of your presentation for a class and I tried to make it funny.  Then I posted the review on my blog because my blog was starved of material.  Then you read it.  Didn’t see that coming.

And if anyone else has the opportunity to see Kathy’s work, please go check it out.  It’s really good, especially if you like perspective or have a general liking of wooden boards.  Oh and while you’re there, check out her super-intense self portraits; you’ll feel like the eyes of God are looking deep into your soul.  You’ll know what I mean when you see it


This next one I call, “Wooden Plank-strewn landscape #172…”

February 13, 2008

The following is a response paper that I wrote for my Photography class. The presentation I saw was given by the artist Kathy Moore at my University.

Note: Kathy Moore is probably an excellent artist who really knows her stuff. I’m pretty confident that if I compared the best drawing or sketch I’ve ever done to a finger painting that Kathy Moore made when she was 3, her fingerprinting would be several times better than my best effort. However, since (A:) I have no interest in paintings, and (B:) I was trying to be funny, the article comes off kinda harsh. So if you ever happen to read this Kathy, haha I was just kidding! Not really!

“Like any hard working and responsible student, I walked into the artist talk last Monday without doing any background research on the artist whatsoever.  In fact, I didn’t even know what her name was; All I knew was that there was some sort of presentation thing starting at 4:00 and that I was supposed to be at it.  It turns out that the artist’s name was Kathy Moore and she had won several awards and art shows with her work.  One of the first things that I noticed about her photographs was that there weren’t any.  Kathy was apparently a painter and was not involved in photography in any way.  This was disappointing because I don’t know anything at all about painting.  If she was showing off some photographs I would be able to talk to people around me and make statements like, “Notice how she used a low aperture to narrow the depth of field?” and “Her use of a contrast filter really brings out the color in that moose’s left nostril”.  Instead I was reduced to asking those around me things like, “What does “Contay” mean?  Is it a certain color of crayon?”  Kathy paints and draws a variety of different ways.  She does charcoal drawings, pencil sketches, abstract paintings, color still-lifes and self-portraits of herself with scary eyes.  The subjects of many of her still-lifes seemed to be big piles of junk mostly consisting of 2×4’s or planks of wood.  While these chaotic still-lifes were interesting at first, after what seemed like the 37th wooden-plank-filled scene it kind of became uninteresting.

Another issue I had with the presentation is that if you were not very educated in the painting or art show world, you might as well have been listening to some squirrels chatter.  For example, most of the presentation sounded like this to me:  “For this still life I combined blank and blank techniques along with blank strokes in a blanky manner.  I like its blank style and how the blanks contribute to the blank.  This piece won the blankest blank award at the National Blankity-blank Blank-Blankington Art Show.”  All the “blanks” were words or terms that I had never heard of before.  These words and terms were apparently vital for understanding what the heck she was talking about.  Other than not knowing the terms, the only other thing I did not like about her presentation is the fact that she showed off some of her abstract paintings.  For some reason a lot of people really like abstract paintings, but to me they just look like an extremely sick person sneezed on the canvas.  Bragging about your abstract-painting-abilities is kind of like saying, “Well I might not be able to paint photorealistic pictures, but at least I can hold a can a paint and trip towards the canvas several times in a row!”  Besides, the abstract paintings did not fit in with her other paintings at all so I feel that it would have been better if she had left them out.

In conclusion, the presentation made me feel out of place and confused.  Most of her paintings and drawings were very nice but none of them really interested me, and not being able to understand half the things she said didn’t help.  Seeing that she’s won several awards, a lot of people must really like her work.  Oil painting and charcoal drawings are just too much for me, I’ll just stick to coloring books.  Just as soon as I find the Contay-colored Crayon.”

I would link pictures of Kathy’s work but I was unable to find any on the first page of google images so I gave up