Intro to “Caw”

The following is an article I wrote last year for the humor section of my college newspaper. Unfortunately the amazing comedic genius’s at the Wittenberg Torch felt that the article wasn’t funny enough so they rejected it (they’re the same people who rejected my Vista article). Instead they ran another crow-related story about a fake “poopiest car” contest that was so terrible that many of the papers, so ashamed of the drivel that was printed on them, spontaneously combusted in a merciful attempt to prevent more people from reading it.

Anyway, here’s the background required to understand the article. During the Fall and Winter months, thousands and thousands of crows come to roost in the trees on Wittenberg’s Campus. They have done this for hundreds of years and were roosting there before the school was even built (apparently the contractors decided the location of the school during the summer and were not aware of the Crow Swarm). So during the cold months, thousands of crows will sit in the trees around some of the dorms. Every morning starting around 6, they will begin to caw. This will go on until maybe 9:00 A.M. and then all of the crows will fly away to god knows where. Than at 9:00 at night, they will return and start cawing again until sometimes 1 or 2 A.M. If you’ve ever wanted to see a massive flock of birds, just come to Wittenberg University’s campus during the winter. Feel free to kill a few if you’d like, they won’t be missed.

Here’s the article

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